What's New?

I am not only made up of what my past holds. I am much more than that,
and I am starting to discover some different dimensions of myself every single day.
I have a newness that I don't think I've had before, and WOW, am I grateful!
I am new in several ways.

I have new perspectives and ideas and thoughts and beliefs and desires and hopes.  I haven't felt this way in so very long, and it feels really good. I feel motivated and purposeful.  To feel like I have a reason to keep trying is an unbelievable blessing.  Over the last month and a half or so, I have had a whole lot of "me" time, and it has allowed me to ponder quite a bit.

I have realized that my perspectives, ideas, thoughts, beliefs, desires, and hopes have been pretty skewed for far too long.  What foggy lenses I have been looking through this whole time.  They still need many more washes, but things are becoming clearer each and every day.  My thoughts and beliefs are changing for the good one step at a time.  I say one step at a time, because this will be a long process for me. I have believed lies for so long, and it is hard for me to determine what is really true. The lies have felt true; the truth has seemed false.  But what I try to do now is combat anything that might look like it could be a lie.  I will look to the Word and to people I trust to hear what is true.  Then I will replace the thought.  Eventually I will think more on truth.  That's what I'm hoping for anyway.  Not all of my desires are destructive and futile anymore.  My hopes are to move forward and to do what I can to live a happy, surrendered, fulfilling life.  The control I strive for now is for balance and moderation, without being completely black and white with every single thing.  There is truly a way to find the grey area, and I can actually be more in control without BEING controlled by the very thing that is overall destructive.  I've had to learn things the hard way, but it has all been well worth the effort and the time it has taken.  I am not saying that everything is going to be just peachy from now on, but I finally feel like I've got my head on a little straighter.  Finally!!

I've got a lot more to share, but that will be saved for a later time.