"I'm no kid in a kid's game,
Did what I did,
I got no one to blame.
But I don't give up,
No, I don't ever give up...

I'm no fighter,
But I'm fighting.
This whole world seems uninviting.
But I don't give up,
No, I don't ever give up.
I fall down sometimes,
Sometimes I come back flying...

Not clean,
Not washed up.
This dream,
I don't ever give up."

Oh, how often I have repeated this song on my iPod! Patty Griffin is a genius. I don't think a ton of people know who she is, but the woman can write. Her songs are heavy with meaning, determination, pain, sadness....so much emotion. Sometimes there's a little too much emotion for me to hear, but I listen anyway. I love the above referenced song though, "I Don't Ever Give Up."

Refusing to throw in the towel is of utmost importance. For so long I have wanted to QUIT (ask any of my close friends), and somehow I've made it to this place, hanging on by some very weak thread most of the time. There have been days that have been so bad that I just figured there was absolutely no way anything could possibly change. In fact, on those days, I was completely convinced that there was no way out of my own personal hell.

BUT...big or small - there is always SOME KIND of solution. I need to remind myself of this [always].

There are going to be good times and bad. Ups and downs. I keep hearing that that's just the way life is, and I am starting to believe that there is truth in such a statement. I will mess up, and I will be disappointed with myself and possibly with others. Expectations will not always be met. I will not always feel like I am on cloud 9; I might feel like I'm on cloud -5 some days. But that doesn't mean that my life will remain in that place forever. I just have to keep going, keep pushing through, keep fighting. As long as I am trying, I have not failed. If I were to quit, that is when failure would come. I know all of this sounds extremely straight forward, cliche, and even simple (maybe it is?)... In my opinion, it is much easier said than done, but I have to at least TRY. That's all. And then I can see how things go from there.