Seriously?

I am consistently inconsistent. Up and down, back and forth...you name it. I can wake up one way and be a different way an hour later. Give me a few hours more, and I could be in another place. I drive myself crazy! And the past few days have been a great example of this. I would get started in the morning, feeling hopeful and slightly confident, but around lunch time I would start to feel like I was just falling apart at the seams. I couldn't stop my thoughts, all of the lies and anxieties. I was afraid I would mess something up, and part of me actually wanted to, which just made me completely disappointed in myself. Why must I feel this way? Why must I think like this? Will I always deal with this crap? I mean, come on! Sometimes I feel like I just can't take it anymore, like I can't get away. But then I read these things...

2 Corinthians 12:9a (English Standard Version)
"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, 
for my power is made perfect in weakness.'"

This is pretty straight forward, right? Grace... Ever since I can remember, GRACE has been one of the hardest concepts for me to grasp and accept. I don't think there is ever going to be a day when I completely understand it, but I want something to click. I need something to click. I want to live in grace as I should. I want to rest in it. I want to continually receive it. That's the hard part - receiving. I know for so long I have thought that God's grace could not possibly come all the way down to my lowest low, but He meets me where I am. And as hard as it is to allow Him to do that, He doesn't want me to try to fix myself up for Him. That's His deal. He makes us clean. He transforms us. He creates newness.

I know these things, but to constantly trust and live in that way seems completely impossible to me almost ALL of the time. I tend to wonder: Could I really be changed? Can I really be transformed? Is that a possibility for me? Does He seriously want to give me grace despite who I am?    
Seriously???
YES!
This verse means what it says, and that's that.

1 Peter 5:10-11 (Contemporary English Version)
"But God shows undeserved kindness to everyone. 
That's why he appointed Christ Jesus to choose you 
to share in his eternal glory. You will suffer for a while, 
but God will make you complete, steady, strong, and firm. 
God will be in control forever! Amen."

I love these two verses, but the part that really gets me is that..."God will make you complete, steady, strong, and firm." Seriously? I want those four things, and right now, I feel as though I am the exact opposite of them all. I am not complete. I am NOT steady. I am not strong. I am not firm.  But there's some hope here, right? This is a promise. I must cling tightly to it and trust that everything can be all right. What do I have if I do not have something in which to hope?